Last week, I introduced the characters that describe the 4 parts of our spiritual anatomy. If you need a refresher:

• The heart part of you is a Loving Companion
• The soul part of you is a Visionary Guide
• The mind part of you is a Strategic Overseer
• The strength part of you is a Driven Warrior

In my years of doing this work, I’ve noticed a common tendency: people often tell me, “I don’t have this one or that one.” But that is a false assumption. You have them all, though some may be drowsy or buried deep.

The first of these characters is the Loving Companion, a.k.a. your heart. It is uncovered and brought to life in two key ways:

• by naming and exploring your feelings
• by taking personal responsibility to ensure your emotional needs are being met in a healthy way

In short, you reveal the Loving Companion by feeling.

Often, this character is the most overlooked part of our spiritual anatomy. Especially in men. Little boys are taught that “real men” don’t cry. “Real men” don’t let anyone else see when they’re hurt. “Real men” don’t feel because that would mean that they’re weak.

This mindset is completely foreign to Jesus. The shortest verse in the Bible is John 11:35, which simply says: “Jesus wept.” Why was he weeping? Because his friend Lazarus had died, and he was sharing in the sorrow of Lazarus’s two sisters, Mary and Martha.

What’s incredible about this weeping is that it happens moments before Jesus calls Lazarus back to life, raising his friend from the dead. To some, Jesus’ tears seem like a waste of time. Why was he crying about something that he was about to fix? This line of questioning demonstrates how disconnected many Christians are from their hearts. They fail to see that this kind of emotion is good and healthy; indeed, that’s why Jesus took the time to weep before healing Lazarus. He wanted to teach us something. Something we find uncomfortable.

This story is but one example where Jesus demonstrated what it looks like when his abundant life saturates the heart. Our Loving Companion is what allows us to press deeper into more connected relationships with God, with others, and with ourselves.

And if we’re being honest, that last one may be the most neglected relationship of all. Prioritizing your relationship with you, however, is a must. You cannot love your neighbor as yourself if you do not know how to love yourself.

That’s why loving companionship begins with recognizing and honoring your own feelings and needs. Once you’ve grown through the discomfort of doing this for yourself, you are in a position to more authentically relate with God and to honor the feelings and needs of others—a prerequisite to all healthy, lasting relationships.